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/'PLAYING GAMES BETHANY PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH
{ Matthew |1:7-19 LAFAYETTE, INDIANA
May 6, 1973 JOHN M, BUCHANAN

"Games People Play" is the title of a book written several years ago by the late
Eric Berne, a California Psychiatrist. I+ becam est ller, and n if peopl
: y r \ ecame a b seiler, and even if people

did not entirely comprehend the psychiatric theory in the book, the title and the idea

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of "playing games" became a part of the common vocabulary.| Berne, however, was very

sericus:| he was the leader of a revolution in the world of psychiatry called Transac-
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tional Analysis that has spilled over Into many areas of lite \ Part of T.A. is the idea
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of "I'm OK - You're OK", and--the concept that the personality is the sum of three
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separate ego-states called Parent, Adult and Child.
For our purposes, this morning however, | would like to think about the matter of
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game elaying.| Berne suggested that most human Intercourse is made up of engagements,

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and that there are two types of engagements, pastimes and gones\ Pastimes are simply

the way we ordinarily structure or fil] up our time.\ Transactions with other people
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are straight forward, honest, there are no hidden agendes\ Pastimes can be enjoyed for
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their own seke. \Going to a movie, reading a book, engaging in honest conversation are
pastimes.
A game happens when the transactions between people are not what they seen That
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is, something hidden is going on. Berne describes a game as b..2 recurring set of t
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transactions, often reiterative, superficially plausible, with a concealed motivation;

or more colloquially a series of moves with a snare or 'gimnick'."| (Transactional

Analysis in Psychotherapy. P. 104)

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Berne assigned names to the games people ordinarily play - not only in therapy,

but in normal social Intercourse.\ One of the simplest to identify - because we've all
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played it at one time or another is cal ted: "why Don't you - Yes out". "I+ can be
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played by any number \ One player, who is 'it', presents a problem.\ The others start

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to present solutions, each beginning with - ‘Why don't you..2" \To each of these the
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one who is it objects with a 'Yes, but...'JA good player can stand off the rest of the

group indefinitely, until they all give up whereupon ‘it! wins." (P. 104)

A game. of \"Why Don't You .. Yes, But" /sounds like this:
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My husband never builds anything right
Wry doesn't he take acourse in carpentry ?
Yes, but he doesn't have time
Why don't you buy him some gcod tools?
Yes, but he doesn't know how to use them,
Why doen't you hire a carpenter?
Yes, but we cen't afford to

Why don't you jist let him de it his way and live with i+?

Yes, but the whole thing might fall down.

That's a game because the person who presented the problem dbdn't want solutions.
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The game sounded plausible but it really wasn't played for Its ostensible purpose.

What really was happening here, Berne suggests, ts that the person with the problem

needed to gratify her chiid - and she succeeded by transforming her friends into a
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group of parents dispensing wisdom to the helpless one Meanwhile she won the game

by confounding her parents, one after the other.

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Other fairly common games that Berne identified ares\"IF it weren't for you |

a favorite marriage game.
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Schiemiel, Aicoholic, Uproar, Ain't i+ awful, {You Got Me Into this, \There f Go
a, oom, etc

Again, Lot's You and Him Fight,\and NIGYSOB - the translation of which would not

be altogether appropriate from the pulpit.

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The purpose of playing games is essentially to avoid intimacy, to replace honest

adult communication with meaningless ritual.\ In turn, that allows the player to avoid

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changing the way he thinks or the way he sohaves.\ And to win a game is simply To be

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confirmed and supported in theway you are already thinking oer acting \ pre person who

won the game of "Yes, But” which | cited, successfully managed to avoid _sglying the

problem and to be confirmed as a hapless, helpless child whose difficulties were simply
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too overwhelming ever to be resolved.
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Game playing Is’ as old as the Bible. \ Adam tried to play a few rounds ot lug it

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weren't far you" with God in the Garden of eden. \('the woman whom you have To be with me,
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she gave me of the tree and | did ost''.\ And we can assume that Adam and Eve lived
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out their days playing variations of Rie it weren't for you"a long with Cou got me inte

tris.” )

One time Jesus caught his contemporaries playing a gane | He was apparently talkina
ae ‘Aeiiipldaltnalm Sink hanamreemennareemiccns

with a crowd of peaple, when several friends of John the Baptist showed up with a
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message. | John - who was now In prison wanted to know If Jesus was the messiah or should
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they be looking for enother\ Jesus answered that the blind are seeing, the lame

walking, the poor are hearing good news:\that Is, the signs of the Kingdom are occurring

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"Yes, | am the one".

Welt, someone in the crowd must have guffawed and then they all snickered a bit.
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AMter all, John was slightly ridiculous, wearing those odd clothes, living in the desert,
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eating locusts, and now he was in prison ~ asking the opvigus.\ 1+ really was amusing.
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Jesus' response was blunt and hard. Wohn was no reed blown by the wind \ He was a
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prophet and more than a prophet | He spoke the truth - but people rejected him because
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he was too ascet ig ‘\t09 tough \ demanding, rigid, a religious fanatic.

At the same time, the same peoplie were in the process of rejecting him - Jesus -
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for precisely the opposite reasons.\ He was a fibertine, they saidi\s glutton and a
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drunkard:)he was seen at wedding parties, in the homes of sinners and the company of

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prostitutes.
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It was too much! | Ao it reminded him of nothing se much as a group of children
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playing in the market place.\ It is one of the more striking similes in the New Testa-
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ment. \ Children played two favorite games :\Wedd ine and funera!:\both events were public
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and demostrative in Jesus tday.\ A wedding was a time of singing and gapcing, eating and
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drinking that lasted as tong as a week.| A funeral included a processton and hired
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mourners vat Hing,| throwing dirt on Their heads \ beating their breasts Malt in all - good
‘taht ceareiseer A iL, Oe |

grist for childish games.

In Jesus'story two games are gdng on at once \ One roup wants to play wedding - tha
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other wants to play funeras.\ thoy can't agree:| nothing gets cone.\ Those who heard
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that little vignette would have felt its sting \it was on the mark. \l+ was a precise
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description of the game they were playing first with John the Baptist and now with him.

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lt suggests, aiso, that they - particularly tae religious elite were playing a
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game calied raligion\ A game in which ritua! and ceremony mattered but nothing more:
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a game in which only the law mattered = but nothing else} a game in which a man could buy
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@ pigeon, have it slaughtered as a sacrifice to Ged, and then cheat his en ioyees\ It
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was a game in which good men could pretend to be devout and then criticize both John
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ang Jesus because they were too real, too honest.
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if is a brutal and judgemental stery about religious phoniness in every age, and to
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hear it fs to feel indicted for the way we play at our retigion,
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Not long after "Games People Play" became so popular, another little volume hit

the religious press under the title, "Games Christians play" \ +s a funny little book
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saric took .
Sekmeeet . outlandish, and all tco often, true,
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A favorite game played by church people is [ri love to, but", Jaccording te the
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euthors \ The person who fstit', has been asked to do a Job - and Instead of stammering
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says with great conviction,\"Oh, I'd really love to, pat. "anc then fills in the

sentence with whatever comes to mind. \Thot game is highly recommended_for people who
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have been playing WIf it weren't for my husband or wife I'd come to chureh"and suddenly

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their spouse "gets refigion",
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Other games played tn the church are;

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"Nobody, bathered to ask me about i+..."

"I've got a great idea..."

"} don't mean to criticize, but ..."

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"I didn't ger a thing out of it?

"My Bible's more underlined than yours" - a peculiar Baptist game

And of course, "Mary Martyr", about whom everybody sayd Viva would we de without

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ner? |

My own pastoral experience has revealed two frequent games that are reaily
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variations on "I'd love to, but". \ They are:
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[vc ought to come more often, | the last phrase varies: its Tthevenly

morning we have to steep,... we're so busy during the week... we've gotten out of the
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habit ~ or, and this is a littte like a double-header: we ought to come more often, but

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we don'+ get anything out of it.| The minister can try to piay why don't you" f but
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heS gotng to lose.\ He can argue - and lose - the member.\ Or he can excuse the person
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by agreeing with the reason for not coming and stil{ lose,
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The other game is,\"We'd like te give more, buts and there Is no way to win
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that one either,

Now, we've had a little fun and hopefully have been able to laygh at ourselves a

Ea ian | miniienienamed

pit.\ te all play games ~ semetimes unintentionally, most of the time superficiahly and
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rormlessiy.\ But now let's consider the possibility that the whole thing of religion is

a game for us.\ That is, [tke the contemporaries of Jesus, we may be playing a game
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band
calied religion the purpose of which is to allow us to took and feel religious but
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which actuality helps us to avoid intimacy with others, with God, and insulates us from
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changing anything we are thinking or doing.

[t's interesting that one of the pest World War {I phenomena in America has been

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a major revival of intrest in re! igion \ The statistics are impressive\\mare people
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going toe church, joining the church ,erecting new churcn building, buyIng religious

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literature, going to religious movies, arguing about prayer, Bible reading\ the polis

show that 94% of the American people profess beliet in God - an astounding statistic.
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The other Interesting phenomenum is that at the same time - while we are in the
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midst of a major revivel of interest in retigion, the influence of religion on tife
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has been decl Ining. Less than one half the people feel that religion effectively influ-
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ences our national onal Tite. \Ts We Adorn, ¢ Adorno, Director of the Canadian Institute of Social

Research reports that: \"Keligion does not play such a decisive role within the frame of
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mind of most people as it once aidi\onty rarely does it seem to account fer their

social attitudes and opinions."\ (The Comfortable Pew, Pierre Berton, P. 55)

Commenting on the church in Great Britain, Alastair MacIntyre discovered that
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"80% of the population uses the church only to celebrate birth,marcjage, death and

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Christmas." | And while the statistics would not be quite that high in America it fs
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detinitety the direction wa are now going.
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A Japanese scholar observed: [Mr the most crucial issues of life, friendship and
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love, marrlage and home, death and burial, the Christian obeys submissively the dictates
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of American Culture and public opinion rather than the claims of the Gospel"Mlbid.P.56)

To citetwo very specif? examplesl am asked regularity to baptize infants and marry
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couples who do not belong to the church, have no intention of taking the church
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serlously, and cculda't care tess about the church \ I am telephoned regularly by
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young ladies shopping for a place to be married - who don't know me - ar the Presby-

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terian Church + and whose major concern and opening question is bio much do you

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charge for 3 wadding?" \
Now, my church, the church that ordalned me, and to which we ail belong believes
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some very specific things about marriage and beptism\ In our tradition it is the Church
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that does both ~ not the particular clergyman Both are seen as functions of the

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congregation, performed within the community of faith. \ Neither are simple little

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cenemonies which, for a fee, we perform withouwk any regard for the particular congre-
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gation,

And | cannot - in good conscience - agree to do TAY For what itis saying is that
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religion is just a game - 4 ritual that doesntt really matter.
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Robert Louis Stevenson ance wrote about children: \"The dotngs of grown folk are

interesting only es the raw material of piay... and they will parody an execution, a

death bed.. or a funeral with al! the cheerfulness in the world,") (cited by G.A.

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Buttrick, The Parables of Jesus, F. 51)

To play as @ child is to pretend Aro make bei revo. \ it is to know that whatever you
do it will have so lasting wtfect. \ang There is a lot in life that is like that \ |
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Think particutarfy cof the increasingly popular and acceptable practice of playing house -

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playing "marriage" by living together. \ what's really wrong with that, | believe, is that
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it's a gane:\ there are no permanent commitments ~ therefore there is no lasting effect
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as a result of what one does.\ One can enjoy the ritual - the form - without the commit+
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ment and love and tears of honest life together.
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There is a lot in lite that encourages us to play games - and increasingly there is
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a lot about Institutional retgion that encourages the same king of behavior.) Someone
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has noted tat [Joining the typical protestant middle-class church is not significantly

different from, joing the KIvanis",] And, it might be added, once in it's probably easier
to stay In .| We make ridiculously minimal

/demands on each other here, and white I've not syre | want f+ otherwise, one of the

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by-products is that people play with religion.
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To put that in perspective consider the dilemma cf the Presbytery of Wabash
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Valley's Budget Committee of which | am a member. Money is very tight\mission giving
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is down ~ projects must be phased out. \ So, we've decided to attack instead of retreat -
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and efter doing some calculating discovered that ff we got $1.00 per week from each
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Presbyterianf® in the Presbytery we'd have more money than we'd know how to spend.
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in fact - if we got a doar from each Presbyterian - twice a year, we'd more than
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meet every current local mission need,
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We play games with money {n the church and call it stewardsh'p.| We beg and plead

all the while dealing with tiny Little amounts of money that are relatively insignifi-

cant.
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ye Eas Or consider our attitude about the church in the wort. \ We don't want religion to

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pri ul . : . tet 1

La sacal in those life and death issues such as peace, welfare, poverty, Jugtice.\ We don't
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aye ee vant the National Council! getting involved at Wounded Knee - even though the federal

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ee WH, Government has totally bungled every effort at a sensible and mature sottlenent.\ We

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“ev a? Ww . . .
ay Meh don't want the church changing the world - and we dont+ want our rellatous beliefs
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eet changing us.

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aft é There Is no happy ending to this sermon - in fact no ending other than the lives
Cre
ea led by the people who hear it.

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g The Old Tastament Prophet Micah simply and eloquently defined the essence of honest

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religion, stripped of all games.
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\ "and what does the Lerd require of you but to do justice and to love kindness
and walk humbly with your God.i

What's left when we determine to stop playing the game of religion_and become

adult Christians? \Just what there was at The beginning, hembmiilngyfanicaebaidiabchionblehimmietomicalat|

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Ba nd wr

rey — ' Ts : - isti : ’ -
y - God's love, God's grace - Christian Jove and compas

ston and sacrifice and joy.

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{ would let it go with that - and with some very sage words of Sf. Paul :{ "When j

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Was 4 chitd, | spoke like a child, | thought like a child, 1! reasoned Jike a chiid;
when | became a man, | gave up childish ways." AMEN
ace

Father, it's not that we vent to piay games. We do want faith and love and joy. But
sometimes wo get off the track. Fergive us ~ and help us: through Jesus Christ our

Lord. AMEN