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EYES Oi! THE STARS - FEET Ia THE sup BETHANY PRESBYTERIAd CHURCH

JOHN 27: 7-17 LAFAYETTE, INDIANA
WAY &, 1974 JOHN BH. BUCHANAN

Have you ever Tet yourself down? Have you ever failed to live up to
Your own expectations of yourself? Have you ever felt badly because there
1S Such @ large gap between the personal goals you have set - and the
reality of what you are? Have you aver felt guilty because 3nuyour private
moments you make plans to be better - to do better - at your job, your
marriage, your parenting, your practice of Christian faith, but in spite
of your grand schemes, your actual behavior always comes out about the same?
Of course you have. So have I, and sc has every person who ever lived.

The story is told of a minister who nad driven to another town to
Preach a candidate sermon for a congregation where he hoped to become the
pastor, When he arrived home his wife asked him how his sermon went. And
he answered “which sermon do you mean: the one I prepared or the one I
delivered from the pulpit or the one f preached in the car on the way home?”

3 We know how that feels. “lost of us are caught between what we want
to be and what we actually are,

[ found a piece recently by an unknown author entitled: "Strange How

I'm Made."

"Ti's strange how I'm made.

Half mystic and half nut.

My eyes upon the stars, my feet deep in the mud.

Gne moment I'm lying and the next I'd die for the truth!
One moment I'm kind, big-hearted, understanding, loyal;
The next sneaky and cruel.

[t's wierd how a soul can be split up like that -

Part God, part scallywag.

Ti's inconvenient toa,

Because you're never sure which part is on the job.

Just when you think you are all set to act the Saint,

Sometning inside goes flop - and there you are

EYES ON THE STARS ~ FEET Uj! THE itup -2~ MAY §, 1974
Anything but a saint!
Yet at other times, when you don't care how you behave,
Something in you leaps up Tike a flame,
All the muck in you is burned away

Ana for a flash, you're tall and clean and strong."
Alive ROW May/June, 1974

That says it pretty well, I think. Eyes on the stars ~ feet in the
mud. We live out our lives somewhere between our highest hopes - our noblest
visions and the undramatic necessities of everyday life. Like don Quixote,
we want to see ourselves as knights in shining armor, but we know #n our
heart that the truth about us can be pretty shabby.

Ho one ever personified that human conflict more than Simon Peter. I
find his story always intriguing - always helpful, because there is so much
in it with which I can personally identify.

Our text this morning has to do with the third resurrection appearance
of Jesus to his disciples in the Gospel according to John. But the story of
Peter begins long before that. The portrait of the man in the Gospels is
one that reveals physical strength, emotional warmth, a certain impetuousness
that cause him to sneak and act - and think about it later. This is no
philoszpher or theologican wm scholar. Peter thought with his heart. And
evrything about him resulted in his assuming a kind of unofficial leader-
ship over the other disciples. At Caesarea Phillipi, when Jesus asked the
disciples who they though he was, it was Peter who blurted out - "You are
the Christ, the Son of the Ltving God"; and then proceeded immediately to
demonstrate that he didn't understand what that nigh sounding title really
meant.

At the last supper when Jesus was washing the disciples! feet it was
Peter who protested - “Not me Lord - I will neer let you wash my feet". And
when Jesus said, "If I dan't wash yur feet you are not in fellowship with

me", Peter, typically, responded, "not my feet only, but my hands and head

| “EYES On THE STARS =~ FEET fi! THE UB -3- HAY 5, 1974
as well". This is no polite intellect: Peter isn't very good at symb olism
and subtlety.

A little later, on the same orcasion, Jesus announced that he would be
betrayed by one of them. Wo one said a word ~ how could they? - but Peter,
who whispered to John “Ask who it is he means.”

And finally, when Jesus inferred that he would die soon, it was Feter -
the brave protestor, talking from his heart who said: “Lord, where are you
going?.. Why cannot I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you"

To which Jesus responded, "before the cock crows you will have denied me
three times."

In the garden, after the meal, whea the soldiers came to arrest him,
it was Peter who drew his sword and would gladly have died for his Lord on
the spot. When the others slipped away into the darkness of Gethsemane
after the arrest, it was Péter alone who Followed, knowing the risks, yet
unable to do otherwise..

And so it was Peter who found himself in a very precarious position,
saying things he would forever rogret. Jesus was taken into a building for
questioning: Peter was outside, warming himself by the fire in the courtyard.
hoping - we have to assume - to be inconspicious. But suddenly he was
identified: “you are one of them." He wasn't prepared for that. An hour
before he would have fought it out and died in the garden. Thatyas the
brave ideal, But now - sudknly - he found nimself denying it. Three times
during that long and agonyzing niaht the accusation came. And three times
Peter dented knowing Jesus - the last time punctuating his denial with an
obscenity. Never has the grandeur and cowardice of humanity been so clearly
shown as in that brave, miserable mean, trying to follow his Lord and
denying him every step of the way.

I've always imagined that as the soldicors brought Jesus out of the
building their eyes must have met: Peter must have recalled Jesus' statement

that he would do exactly what te had done. The next time he saw Jesus ~ he

EVES OW THE STARS ~ FEET IN THE PU) -a- HAY 5, 1974

was looking up to the cross.

Alt of that is necessary to understand the significance of what happened
between Peter and Jesus in our few Testament Lesson this morning.

After the crucufixion, the fourth Gospel suggests that the disciples
made their way back to Galilee, to their homes. Seven of them were still
together, wondering, I Suppose, what to do next. Peter suggested that they
go fishing. The return to the boat, ropes, nets and hard work would be good
therapy for troubled minds.

So they were 100 yards off shore in the early light of dawn when a
voice broke through the silence - asking if they had caught anything, and
advising them to try the other side of the boat. It wasn't an uncommon
experience: shoals of fish are sometimes visible from shor in that ‘misty
Tight of dawn and fishing parties often left one of their number on the
beach as a “spotter”.

[ft was John who recognized him - and Peter wha pulled on his tunic,
plunged into the water and swam to shore. dothing else must have mattered
at that moment but tho Opportunity to set the record straight: to be with
the one he had dented: to somehow make right the wrony he had done. A
less€f man would have been afraid, embarrassed, hesitant - but not Peter.

So they ate breakfast together, and each Stared a particular quilt. At
tne last meal they had deserted him. So the first word would have to be his.
Their apologies - excuses - confessions - could not be said.

Thus begins a strange dialogue between Jesus and Peter - almost an
interrogation. “Do you tove me, Peter? You Know, Lord, I love you".

Three times: just as Peter had denied knowing Jesus so the plain, simple
question came three times,

We are hindered in ungerstandina this dialogue by the poverty of the
English Tanguage. As you know there are several Greek words for Tove. And
in this passage two of them are used. Jesus ures "Agape", intentional, devout,

seif-sacrificing love - in te first two questions. Peter answers with

EVES Oi) THE STARS - FEET IN TYE HUa -5- HAY 5, 1974

"ohilia", affectionate, friendly love. The point is that they are two
different words with two different meansing - and that mts lost when we
use the single English term “Tove" to translate both.
An alternate, and perhans better, rendering of the dialogue soufds like
this: “Peter, do you love me more than all else?
Yes Lord, you know that I am your friend

Then feed my Tambs.

Peter, do you Tove mc?
Yes Lord, you know I am your friend.
Then tend my sheep,
Peter, are you my friend?
Peter was hurt that at the third asking he should have
said, “Are you my friend?" "Lord", he said, "You know

everytning: you know I am your friend." (HEB-footnote to Toa)
15-17

{ conclude that what the author is saying is Something very consistant
with what we know about Pater's life. tlamely, that devat, philosophic,
intentional lave was something alien to him. Peter's was a reactionary love,
a love that came from the viscera ~ the heart instead of the mind. Perhaps
he didn't even know what Jesus was getting at when he used the concept of
agape Tove. Ali he knew that he was Jesus’ friend: that Jesus had become
something for him that no one had before: that even though he couldn't explain
it intellectually, he knew his own heart.

t hear him saying: “Despite my weakness, my denial, despite my foolish
boasting and my impulsive actions, despite all my faults, Lord, I do love
you. You alone know how deep is my Tove, how far it can carry me. You
alone know that my words and acts often faid to tw as good as my intentions.
You know that I have my eyes on tha stars but my feet in the mud."

Peter learned that if ho could stand in the presence of Jesus Christ

it would be on the basis of Christ's love for him.- just as he was: i.%

EYES Ou THE STARS ~ FEET IM THE Tun -3- AY 5, 1974
certainly not on the basis of his own performance. Peter learned that even
though he was guilty - he was acquitted: forgiven - but more than that
really, loved ~ and made free - because in spite of his failure his Lord
continued to have confidesce in him. “Feed my sneep, Peter."

Peter, I think,?heard the Gospel for the first time through that
experience. He stood ~ where ali of us must stand - with our failures, our
denfals, our hypocricies - in the face of our Lord. And he heard what we
must hear - that even our denials don’t condemn us. Our Lord loves us -
and has confidence in us - and frees us to try and fail and try again.

There's an awfuliy jot in this story that is familiar to us. Psycholo-
gically, one of ar major difficulties is living gracefully with the fact
that we have net lived up to our own axpectations of ourselves. he know
what it means to intend one thing and do an altogether different thing.

There was an excellent television rendering of Leon Uris's novel
QB VII Tast week, that told again the story of how ba sically decent, kind
devout people ended uy involved and implicated in the worst form of
atrocities during the Second World War. They didn't intend for it tof that
Way. But the Doctor in QB VIT did perform experimental operations on Jews
in prisons in order to save his own skin. And before we condenn that too
celf-righteausly we need to examine our own lives for the many ways our
own words and deeds deny our noblest ideals and beliefs.

The trouble is - our moments of decision come with out warning. They
Sneak up on us with no Tead time to prepare - just as Péter was surprised
in the courtyard. A good friand and I were discussing how best to reflect
our convictions about racism one time, and we concludad that one thing a
man cauld do was not be silent in the face of a racial slur or innuendo.
But we botn confessed that we had failea many times ~- simply because racial
Slurs don't happen in calm discussion groups ~ but in the barber shop, on
the street corner, on the run - rignt out of nowhere. And so, more often

than not we join the uneasy laughter and then punish ourselves with guilt

EYES 01 TRE STARS - EET I THE mn -7- | MAY 95, 1974
afterward,

Twas always a far better Student,~ as I thought about during the
summer time - than I was in the reality of Constitutional Law 101. I am
a far better husband and father as | think about tt late at night than I
am at 5:30 P.M. at dinner time. I'm a far better pastor in the quiet of
my Study than at any other time. I'm far more eloquent as I plan my
Strategies and speeches in the car than I am in the middie of a meeting.
And I'm a better disciple of Jesus Christ in the abstract - tnan I ever am
in relationship with other p2opie,

One of Nietrick Bonhoesffer's poems from prison has always spoken to
the dilemna as I hava expertenced it: Hho Am I?

Who am I? They often tell me

I stepped from my cell's confinement

Calmly, cheerfuity, firmly,

Like a squire from his country-house

iho am 1? They often tell me

T used to speak to my warders

Freely and friendly and clearly

As though it were mine to command.

Whe am £? They also tell me

PT bore the days of misfortune

Equably, smitingly, proudly,

Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?

Or am I only what I myself know of myself?

Restless and tonging and sick, like a bird tn a cage,

Strugyling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat,

Yearning for colors, for flowers. for the voice of birds,

Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,

fossing in expectation of great events,

EYES OM THE STARS - FEET Ii THE MUD -8- HAY &, 1974
Powerless ly trembling for friends at infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?

Who am 1? This or the other?

Am I one person today and tomorrow another?

Am I both at once? A hypocrite before otners,

And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakiing?

Or is something within me stil] like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder froin Victory alrcady achieved?

Who am £? They mock me, tnese lonely questions of mine.

lihoever T am, Thou Knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!
(Prisoner for God, P.221)

Peter failed’ to be what he wanted to be. $30 do you and so do Tf.

Even when it appears that we are being neble, courageous, honest, generous,
we Know better ~- and we know that God knows better. We can feel badly

about that - we can wallow in our orm guilt and inadequacy and end up
lowering our sights. If our feet are Ming to continually get stuck in the
mud, then we might as wall focus our eyes on tne mud as well.

Or we can hear that best of all news that cama ta Peter: that goo d news
that we are not condamned for failing: that it is worth the price we pay in
terms of anxiety and frustration to keep our eyes on the stars: to keep
trying - stretching, growing - setting ne: and better goals, falling down
and then getting up to try again.

Peter learned the best and hardeat lesson of all + The Grace of Jesus
Christ - the Love of God - the freedom te live opsaly and honestly and
joyfully te cause we are loved with a tove that is infinitely patient and
always confident about us.

The anonymous prose with which I began concludes - appropriately

"So God, I'm glad you made me as I am.....

Hystic and mutt, philosopher and fool.

EYES ON THE STARS = FEET TH THE fp -9- MAY 5, 1974
Hy eyes up on the stars, my feet deep in the mud.
For I have Tearned that flawed lives can serve you well,

IT have found that both stars and mud are swell.” AEN

Thank you father; for a love big enough to encompass our failures. Thank
you for a love graceful enough to include our denials. Thank vou for the

freedom to live - confidently. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. AMEN