WHAT HAPPENED TO MOTHERS DAY? JMB
Ephesians 5:21,31-6:4 BSPC
M

ay 13, 1979 | Cols, OH
Berk ertene—rece ses smear We,

‘3 ef ; Mis
with a carnation inthe Tapelg: white if tak. mother was

dead, red\to.-anrdT@ate that she wasestive.\ tt was" alWays a

secular ho liday but the church.gladly. embraced” 2 celebrated

it “and enjoyed it. Commenting on what used to be, Professor

— % Be: her's” @ay said _and did something for the
———ae witewieme =“ - Uses
passage into mat os aa dee fi ficance." #hre L

surprise” no one is writing that sort of

sentiment 2 a, TT
The answer to the question, hat Happened to Mather's
ea]

Day", \is a portrait of the dramatic changes which have

- fier yao
occurred in our culture in the past two decades. What Jy SV pum
happened? \ Wer for one thing, the whole business*@pe=—a \ a. ssom!

os ad te

timer eye: E d that mothers are special
1 veryone agree p conn Sy
people and that it's a good idea to say thank you to them A Cu
oe eee bie a
on occasion. \ put it became, and is today, pretty commercial, Stews yet
——~ | and altogether sentimental. |< ’ wae w
. wee
rate a Psychologists started talking about something called'Momism" ? ;
PA - y ves
‘y Ww psychiatrists reread their Freud and for several decades err ;
\ -2¢0 zealous | aw
p* wr 4 blamed over lyxeu=® mothers for most of the problems or
* A coer,
pare of the world. Literature created a whole new characteriza-
‘ | a a5! @
Sy %
a" «%./ tion called the "Jewish Mother™ which reached its height,
ges Se, e a ®

of depth - depending on yoyr point of viewe in Philip Roth's
tS

———

Portnoy's Complaint.

@ yot- a faceted oak gory j dat B
Syhtrgn fee over beanie) ‘ ove prekective, a leda- qow ~ por

of Mawomrlt ante Aa oth raia (ht wth» horn A é

WW,

-2-

G@s a result we stopped wearing carnations in church,* in
Te rea ee)

stead

fact stopped talking about Mother's Day in church,
eee CII tt eo

started worrying and feeling guilty about bei

fathers.
=

and

ng mothers or
Se = =e

The word was out that less rather than more

parenting was pest \ that children should not be thwarted,
ap a
oPintms, 9 ale Tas

inhibi 1 ‘that t
oppressed, or inhibited by parenta moreas: a

here were
ae

so many serious mistakes to be made in being a mother or

; : . panos
father, it was impossible not to make aemy of them.

never thought we became permissive so much as worried,

| "Ours is the
ad

only era in the entire history of human life on this planet

a
anxious, guilty.
SSS am

ape

in which the ‘elders'

should be."

Sel
Professor Ramsay writes:
ESF

(Theology Today, April 1979, p. 8)

Willimon,

aS
freedom and progress.\
eee

(Christian Century, May 9, 1979, p. 52

—————————

j 2

dom and less guidance than any society_in the world."

nd Colleges,
Vos

of the tribe ask its newer members
eases

,what the tribal rules and standards of expected behavior

The late

Margaret Mead wrote that "we give our adolescents more free-

COA

refelcting our insecurity and uncertainty #773. ae,
have simply stopped, in most cases, trying to be responsible

for student moral or personal behavior - in the name of

Observes Duke Professor, William
ee

'Too many college freshmen get the message from

their college's administration,

SSS

"We don't care if you bomb

ut, destroy yourself, ruin your future, or fail to live
mmm EE

p to your

potential.

=

That's your problem, not ours.'"

—

(Christian Century, 5/9/79, Remember Mama)

hy

-~3-

What Happened to Mother's pay? | we got scared and just
oe

ee

at the moment when our whole culture was feeling uncertain

about family and parenting, the 1960's broke apart in what
See ee ap

one commentator called the cultural equivalent of a nervous
Da raceme ad

breakdown. 4 In matters of authority, sex, education, the
Sc e

ee

arts, music, life style, everything came unglued \ Middle

-— wae <Saumer “atenptR cm — bee]

elass parents discovered that they were foreigners in their
cumteuinromeatoiamet —hank = eaten

own country, unable even to speak the language .\ Just when nA
exyurma bamieees mero fous i

we needed all the resources and strength we could muster ‘auwd s,

ne ies
ee wre
we discovered that the extended family, upon which we depend gies

i enemas

for that strength and those resources, was gone, a casualty por’
wee 0 AE

SRR IERIE

of mobility. \2 its place stood ajee fragile remainder,

something the sociologists called the nuclear family; mother,
pemcetntrecette mt ee

father, children, atone. | The nuciear

wees 8a

Se anal
menon was simply not equipped to do what we were calling upon
ba a el

it to do and it began to crack.

What happened to Mother's bay? | maser but most _drapati-~ L yor

cally of all, Women's liberation A the whole new consciousness OF

that mothering takes only_a portion of rite that women are queen
Se -

a.
y*

a
people apart fromthe men they narry*h that there is no a

difference at all in capabilities, skills, potential.

at_marriage and mothering and got angry \ They
Coal

discovered something their husbands knew all along, namely
prgnsnsgmrerae eS —eummestesteay

Women looked

that they were doing most of the parenting, 92 hours per

week as an average figure, while their husbands, in the
, SR

name of providing for the household, were simply abdicating
“atone crea MESH

parental responsibilities. \Sociologist Sarane Beocock

writes ("Addiction to work provides a guilt-free rationali-

apis

walls

zation for the father's lack of commitment to child rearing." £ wie

(Chri —— Century, oO Ey 523) Bur ac ‘s
And so shppee tiki bert M.D ethbge/e aon

My impression is that much of + ee have been eee 4, \

about nese Set | nat the strident voices of radical " vw) ba |

social change are a bit more moderate that we are free,
a -= Sp
once again, to talk rationally about motherhood and father-
— SSS ET See

hood j\even to celebrate it.\ Who knows, maybe in another
STs , ve

ten years we'll be back to wearing carnations.
ee,

But before we move toward a recovery, think with me
ae

about what the Bible has to say on thg subject \ There are,

unfortunately, no pat prescriptions for effective parenting.
mF = freee tad

There are plenty of models, and more than a few disastrous
se =e

family situations.\ But underneath it all is the_clear
ee

ee aS
Biblical assertion that the family is not an accident, not
—__ oe

even an arrangement of Biclog te) convenience, but the way

ae
God wants human life to be lived -— in community, in intimacy,

SST a BSS >-_- c= -A
in relationship.\ Inherent in the Biblical position is that
eanwww , @&

arenting is not onl necessary but an honor ate of
p g y abLsSt2

attairs, [a vocation - if you wil1}\ ana that honorin arents
que

ne
is fee of the necessary building blocks in any society
which hopes to surviye for very long. psn AL

What the Bible is not, is romantic about parenting and

the human family. \ Tt begins with a “a Betbhehey w we often miss.
eee TS

The Adam and Eve story includes the observation that man
Saas, Ee

thereafter one of their sons murders the other Geert — tree

gm w=

and woman contribute to one another's seni) et shortly
\

cy benpermenetcne tones memmmevere-then-thut }Noah was discovered
esses

Tht is mick pain in ~ bed codd be

~5~

in a drunken stupor by one of his sons. % Abraham loané his
Stee
wife to Pharoh and nearly kill his son Isaac to appease
=e ewe

God. | 2s98 deceived his father, alienated his brother,
SPE or. con

successfully playe? his parents off against each other. } His
coo EC
sons Lefbeetheir brother Joseph to die in the desert.4 David

commitg adultery and arrange@ for a murder to cover his
ad ieee

tracks. | His son Amnon hag an incestful relationship with
ee

his haif sister Tamor and WF urdered by Devid's favorite
ees, =i

f
son Absalomf{ Absolom start@!a rebellion and Oe killed by
sore Seng T CNR,

his father’s loyal friends a@@ fhe Old Testament on family

and parenting is summed up in that poignant cry every)

exer
in every age understands{"Oh Absolom! JAbsalom, My Son."
a am , ne
The Bible is anything but sentimental and aaa ea at x

mothering and fathering and being a family. \ pet it ~ PRS " achaes re
ete Bee

Matrdals, —

sapere, thet the family is the arena for a kind of human re-

e
lationship without which human life is not possible. \ The

family is where caring and loving happen \ where they are

learned and celebrated and taught and experienced.

Jesus, al death,

to see to her “physical needs, but by giving her - another son

to love and care about — and worry about.
mmm RRR

St. Paul, who reflected the vigorous chauvinism of

his age, nevertheless set out the perimeters of Life giving

sere emcee errr ag ag rere rrr

marriage and parenting in our text thas morning. "Be subject

to one another" fhe wrote, Lifting up again that peculiar

— sep pare raid S12 a teierternsen

Judeo-Christian genius; Juaneny, that true freedom happens
—

-~6-

when you stop worrying about being free and give yourself

to something or goneone. | Later on, in the same instructive

aren

passage he said something very unusual: f "Children, honor your
Dna rr cer

re

parents" - everyone expected that.| The surprise came next,

“Fathers - do not provoke your children to anger .""}
EE

parenting carries with it the clear_mandate to be responsible.
© enapmaesremeat aerate nat = an

That is,

And even though the old chauvinist said father@® ~ [I'll guess
Schr ct re a

that he meant mothers as well.
prin icintiiny ee

Toward a recovery, then, based on a Bib
orate

which is singularly honest, realistic and helpful. \We reacted

too strongly, it_appears.\ We heard what the psychiatrists

were saying about overbearing parents and we backed off.

It wasn't a good idea.| It wasn't very good advice. \ new

evidence is convincing and disturbing.4| Julius Segal of

the National Institute of Mental Health, in a new hook,
——EEEeeeeeeeeeee

suggests that we have been tmmmtiagy Misguided in the recent

ee
past.\\ Citing a study of counter culture children reared in

communes, children of parents devoting full time to doing

ee

their own thing" Segal points to disturbing discovereis of

widespread boredom, apathy and melancholy.{ He concludes:

"There is something much worse for a child than to suffer

er remiieei

the domination of the stereotyped Jewish nother ; \namely to

be the offspring of valueless, unattached, self-centered

parents who are unwilling to give the time or the emotional

a

commitment that parenting requires. (Christian Century,

op cit, p. 521)

R

And professor Willimore of Duke aSeaar "in our_indict-

ment we have overlooked the fact that here were mothers who

cared and were not afraid to show it. ( metnex standing over
7 eS

yl

a piano mercilessly coaxing a budding prodigy or arguing
eee “Te

at the kitchen table over how many beans are enough, these

i nl
mothers gave these kids something to strive for, react_against,

struggle with and grow away fron. | white their methods of
hort eis

=...

child rearing may have spawned some neuroses, their children

Se
have never suffered from the anger, emptiness and despair
ae Se
that often haunt children denied the life-long benefits of
strong, early and continuing affectional bonds." (ibid. p. ne
ee —

we coe
There is something very special about being a parent Ther \
EES ae...

is a vocation of motherhood that is as demanding, difficult \ n\er
a ee) bo ae =p [

and important as any other - and more so.\\ There is somethin
SE ae eee” amr A

very special about being a mother. It is only one half of

a as "a

the equation to be sure but in terms of life and being ther
BE Se fend

is something very special about the simple potential of

bearing new life. } And if you think that's just the way men

Sa sS—
always talk about motherhood let me hasten_to punctuate it
ee
with a sentence from Dolores fe © of Notre Dame who writes
eee
about "a truth we often forget:\women by virtue of biologi-
———— oe

cal, psychological and cultural circumstances, have access
to specialized knowledge that it ill-behooves humankind as
a whole to ignore."

we
Part of what need to learn is a little basic theology
z= SS

that we should have learned long ago,® at@mmiilllime that while
Lad

we address God aSechibh er , t is not a sexual designation;
Ss.

~8-

: : : it
that in order to have an image of God that is complete i
must be feminine as well as masculine; ( that there is nothing

in the world wrong with addressing God as mother or parent

7
even though most of us wince when we hear it God's image
_—_ =e
is upon us and in us. }jIt is an image that embraces humanity;

el
7‘ . :
that needs feminity as well as masculinity to be complete.

God at times is the mother and nurse of Israel in the
SE

Old Testament. And on one striking occasion our Lord Himself

evoked a metaphor which is unforgetable. Appragching Jerusa-

lem, on the way to his own death he said that he longed to

Seo
gather the city about him like a hen gathers her chicks.
EEE
That is a very feminine picture and a very strong one as
eee
you know if you've ever gotten between a mother hen and young
[eee

chicks.

Jesus suggested that God was not unlike an overprotec-

tive, worrying mother ;\tnat he loves us enough to keep after

Fe aed

us; [that the best metaphor for his love for us is not a

metaphysical #bstraction, but an experience common to every Less

human being who ever lived; parental love. So rest - SAT.

What happened to Mother's pay?) Everything that happened

be el

fo our culture\ Perhaps it's back now.) May it be a celebra—

tion.of life ing love for you today, in fact or in memory.

More important, may it become a window through which you can
ee eee

see some small, image of God himself - and God's love for you.

Amen,

Almighty God, you are father and mother to us and we are
grateful; grateful for our parents; grateful for the continuing
universal love of mother and father for their children;
grateful for memories of past love - and for the experience

of your love ~ in our lives in the present. Bless us on

our way; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Back be th fltceades 7] ovr jean g
Mos oF Ys Can (eae flbflers Ze}

and Wty Ly men ered Hey sd mein
crming i Clit oon | a Carnay7m ,

(td if your rnotler Ws ahve , whe hd
if she Wes dace | Ce Dr tes it 7H
ottir bity Ground ?) bin s fas ai ey §
[)ieached AD oot Mots. In fu Small

ah (aaa

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bp he a shitetiond Chick , fly always

fa * fm

jaslng Liling Ch folies Feu fe a
ulus jv vit st, Zn yi a olyagem, Are
Cin d Swird .-

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histrieal, Wie Gare Sts Ret Ges (labee.
bol wel iL wes Meanr— Cuisteatraty |

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#@ cbsyud _recousl." nets Dag

<aid ard aid some Hing fi 7a
fo SAR jap pnati ity Thar fal
Vee p Signi fic ANCE - LD hes

SU Yl ised , fiawks 4p (ead flat sr
Schule bh swine . TAH fas Lec

Olecacks since L/ iorsbp selula shy ‘
hes State oc tuwd chad "Meer 5.

o| Dn feck, far yeas th wes
yk of — f htalarycel , jak Meche/

shown fa /Fuare fla thule fot 5
Gl doje Pear.