AM 1 HAVING FUN YET?

Part I - JHE BIG QUESTION

Loop Group Breakfast

April 12, 1988

Chicago Bar Association, 7:00 a.m.

Get Acquainted Exercise - smal] group 4/5
1. Name
2. Where you Tive —- how long and where you
come from
3. Where you work

4. What you Tike to do when you are not

work ing

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You have $200 and a free day —

how would you use it? —- you can do
anything except bring the money home
with you.

Introduction - To set the scene for ret %

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There is more than a Tittle irony, I SUPPOSE ,
Sos

in the fact that 100% of us are willing to get up
early, make our way down here, shell out $30.00 -

to hear some people address the curious question

“Am I Having Fup Yet?" \ arter all you/we are

suppgsed to be the experts on the topic.
Yet in th®@ poisnant way the question is

——=ors

asked -- and in the way it has become alm almost a
cliche he which we ia ose Ives es using n the goii

Av~ 25 Vau Vater, tr =
is tough, demanding —- CleaPty-net—fun, attleast—in

ery Tecuirizaste-fertr probably reveals the fact

that we really don't know much more about it than
Ont KNOW 2OUT_7

those who have gone before us. \(mex ifference is / -,
i

In any event - ~ I = two ‘incidents in my

memory bank - gagicel lf lum S&
One ~ in a calisthenics class - the yw

particular exercise was sitting with arms crossed

and feet 12 inches off the floor for §0 seconds ~

_ tay. ; , WV
Geessasnicis eternity: and invariably the leathery Ww
old physical director of the Y - my ftiend Bil]
smith - as we were gasping, writhing in pain, q)
finally_giving in and dropping our feet - would say \ vy er

"4
“Time Sure Flies when You' Ving Fun.” : \ar 4 OF Fr
Vv A
Second incident - sirine 9 my friend, former v Vy
submariner - with pretty good water and underwater an !

skills — had been telling me about harvesting
snails and then having escargot — on board.
Someone had told him about it - and he talked about

it a lot, a kind of obsession.

The day came —- we were moored at the island

=

wheficthere was a kind of rough outcrop of rock on

the shore - where the snails were ~ right at the
water line, where the waves hit -
m* calm day - piece of cake

rough day ~ challenge

It was rough - three of us in a dinghy —

close as possible - one went around and on top with

bucket on rope - to hang down and receive snails -

—_—_

3

4

Dick I put on masks, flippers, swam in and went to

work —

Sea pretty active - up and_ cow, and every time

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you grabbed a snail, a breaker would hit - with

pretty frightening impact.
—_—....
As we struggled it occurred to me to yell at
him over the thunder_of the water {Dick - are we

having fun yet?"

The snails were awful: | we Jearned you must
boil them in sea water - and we didn't... so they
tasted vaguely like tire innertubes.

But - you know, he and I have_probably

Jaughed more about it and told that story more to

each other than any other and I suppose it really
Wi ~ if one of the definitions of fun is that

the event has lasting value to_you and you tell

stories about it afterward... ‘

Ww
Actually ~ Am I Having Fun is a variation of

one of the most important, if not most t_important -

in human history, namely what is happiness?
— —————

contentment — Bank & co.

mn

{2 A P

Ne im +
inh MV
“yh

A 3
ae wet yee
fulfillment = yy

or deeper still, what is the purpose of all life’

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and my life - what is its meaning? oll

es

What should I do to discover, attertate, Celelora tr

implement purpose and neaning..| What will make me
smile at the eng_of the day and the end of the
road?

No one question has so dominated philosophy.

Se

In a sense it is what the human quest is about.

we Fins , Ua A Dale - is — “Who gets to answer.”
Llepp =

Is @ an objective verity that the very wise
ES SS

get to define for the rest of us...?

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Are the experts - Plato's philosopher Kings -

the faculty of the University of Chicago?

Or how about ¢he church?
Does Cardinal Bernadin - Moody Bible

Institute or Fourth Presbyterian Church get to

=

define fun? \If so, go with the Presbyterians -

trust me!)
Or your family - your parents, whose own

eee

working definitions are very much a part of your

=——ee

5

psyche - either as a reflection - or a reaction
against?

Or the culture - (the broad _ blanket of values
and hopes and behavior models which constitute the
environment in which we live? \ That, of course, has
always been the major definer - the culture — and

nel =
that, at least for people who see themselves as
Christians, has always presented a bit of a
problem.

irrarévent, it was a revelation to me - in
the late 60s - to discover that one of the places

SSS

where the question is raised —- (What is Fun — etc.)
Mm

and the culture definition criticized of its
film.

In fact, I can to remember the film ~ The
Graduate - Dustin Hoffman - and Anne Bancroft,
Mrs. Robinson seduces Benji - after a party
celebrating his graduation from college and that
was pretty interesting. \ but what_that film really
did was challenge - not veny subtly - the going

definition of happiness - i.e. home in suburbs -

——_

6

country club ~ 2.5 children, station wagon,

Pee eee

cocktail parties and barbecues. \ or course, 60s

college people were way out_in front ~ but_here was
a popular movie, enormously successful — which
——EEEe
succeeded in gett ing_peop’ people to laugh and see the
ON ore of the life style_and the institutions
which were defining happiness.

—_—_—

Two scepes in particular ~

At a party, Benjamin is circulating, trying

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to avoid the relentless question — "What next?
SSS Se

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What are you going to do?"\ One bleary old family

iclad, tas him_by the arm — leads him over to a
corner and says cryptically - “One_word, Benji -
just one _Ww word." | orFnan, at_his best, looks eager,
wide eyed ~ "Yes," he says, "Yes," and the man

whispers _it_in his ear, loudly - "Plastics -

plastics. Get into plastics.”
Ss

Then at the Hoffman rescues his love from

a very proper church wedding - literally whisks her

away down the aisle and locks the stunned

congregation in the church by jamming the altar

a

7

cross in the front door and they drive away, up the

California coast, while Simon and Garfunkle sing a

Scarboroush Fair. Pia Lp
Now - that was heavy handed and my guess is “ We es

that the people who drove up the coast whistling fe we.

on Ver
Simon_and Garfunkle weren't any_happier than the wae ow

ones who slugged it out in suburbia - “

coe ——" za Hr 624
But the question was out - asked -— popularly
and publically -

And Hollywood has has been asking it ever since

(at its best\and at its worst, shame|essly

exploiting our_thirs thirst for_answers) .
English film director Blake Edwards both

exploited the issue in "10, but also serious ly

asked the question of whether happiness was really

the simple pursuit of pleasure. | Dudley Moore is a

42 year old who makes an utter_fool of himself

pursuing Bo Derek and it is ultimately a very

poignant and sad movie {particular ly for those over

42).

Two years ago About Last Night took up the

question again, this time from the angle of

commitment, or the lack of it.\ That movie is about

people who work awfully hard at having fun - but
aren't very happy. \ Next Network News — what_a good
- but peculiar movie that was:\ three different,

SS ee

interesting characters, al] living life in the fast

lane, pursuing careers with single-minded devotion
and missing something.

— Wal) - a virtual exegesis of the Bible
verse — "What_does- does it profit a man if he gains the
whole world and loses his soul.”

And the best and most difficult, Milan
Kundera's - [he Unbearable Lightness of Being —
Czechoslovakia 1968, the Czech spring L Surgeon

Tomas, womanizer | Tereza — his lover, \then wife,

photographer, - who is faithful to him and to

Se

herself, or at least she tries to be. | out when she

bravely photographs the Russian tanks crushing the
fragile _emergence of human rights in Prague and the
photos are secreted out and published — actually

contributes to the jailing of Czech people.

——————_—

Because the Russians use her photos to identify
people in the street demonstrations.
Tomas in expelled from medicine - for

political reasons, becomes a window washer - stil]

a notorious wonanizer.\ They end up_on a small farm
in the countryside), On the day before they die in

a truck accident, Tereza sees Tomas struggle to

———

change a tire on the pick-up truck. {she is filled

with guilt... \ She is responsible she thinks for

his humiliation.
That right she Says, Crave Tost
everything.”
He says, \Haven't you noticed I've been happy
here?" )
“surgery was your mission” Tereza_says.
Tomas answers{ "Missions are stupid, Tereza.
I have no mission No one has.\ And ita

————

terrific relief to realize you're free, free of all

missions."

It is an enigmatic ending and I've been

thinking about it ever since. \ I don't think I

= ———

10

tie I Mo edi

On ant | ee

believe it.
! . 7 ste 7
Now - we are here this morning, I think, \VA
ve
because we ask the question of human happiness ‘ w t
LT yar yw
from a very particular context. yer”

Someone changed the rules in the past 30
years. | Tt probably had something to do with
President Eisenhower's decision to pick up the
Pieces of the French debacle in Southeast Asia by

sending a few advisers into South Vietnam. | But,

ee

for sure, everyone who came of age before 1960 is

operating by a different set of rules from those
As 7.

who came after..) I'm in the be before group ~ 1959 ~

Graduation_an and marriage. That fact alone tells you

=

something.
Before _1960 - in the old world — happiness

a

if it was relevant at al] - was def jned as -duty.
Duty to family, community, natcion, \Reading

the Times Sunday, I bumped into an article on

the Battlefield_at Antietam, in Travel...| Bloodiest

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battle in all of American military history...

25,000 casualties - in one day ~\ore than any day

—————

——

11

in World _War I and IT, Korea_and vietnam, | on of
the last great battles, when_men, using old rules
of warfare, simply marched_or charged, rank upon

rank - into the withering cannon and rifle fire of

the enemy until they either ran out of ammunition
of Meat tvercane tral abt tity to reload. \ It
was that simple and 23,000 men fell. [ana the Times
asked "why did they do that? \ Why didn't they just
turn around and walk away’2" \ monument at the

battlefield says -\"Not for self, but for ere

I spent part of last weekend_with Ted
Panopolos, an old high-school friend of Sue's
brother. \ we told Altoona stories. \ Ted's dad came

from Greece - to join relatives in Altoona. \He

came with nothing. \ He worked two and three jobs,

Se

finally put together_enough capital to buy a small
rooming house. \ Bui Tt it up, worked at it twenty
hours a_day, seven.days a week for forty years,
bought a home - educated his sons, \married off his
daughters in elaborate Greek Orthodox weddings and

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then died of a heart attack. \He Ore Wola,

Mange be wine Rapp He poe’

Wk - Hs-ppavs> wes dom ow Guta

Another movie scene sticks in my mirel I've
even forgotten the nanel T This family _is Italian.
They are at a family weddina.( A son_chooses the
occasion to take his father_aside and tell him he's

getting a divorce. |The old man is horrified, tries

——=sooee—

to talk the son out of it.
“T'm not_happy Papa."
“Are you happy - you_and Mama’"
“What's happiness? What's that got to do
with it? \ We're married." i
“%s So for a very long_time happiness, if it was : yb

4
Jevant at all, was a product_of duty... of doing a)

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expectations of parents, church, nation and “

-—_—_— ? aril “
culture. Wek Maywded wand Y pee

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oe That needed correcting. | After operating
under those ne lee for decades ‘S jt helpful here

A to recall that duty - happiness is not ancient.| but GGee
wh a pretty American product). = ‘ease & Conceth~ -
i yr W h bei ready for ch ni
y i estern human beings were or change, by & wats
K for an expansion of the vistas ~ for a giant step \w, Du owt

TS

forward. |The system needed correcting - a

revolution was inevitables(Remember 50 year olds
aa}

are right on the border_- looking_forvard and

backward — sopething you can't do without clarity

of vision):
So a revolution came and while it didn't

replace the government - it surely replaced the

governing values and governing definitions of

happiness .
The elements of this revolution which was

Picking up some steam in the late 50s and early 60s

included: & Udell. \Kauy dufmd Ife For wal 1°
1) Incredible new mobility. [Peopte starting

moving and the extended family, that matrix of

er ae Cie

relationships which gave us identity and values -

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weakened and for many people disappeared. | I grew

up with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins ~- all
around. guess is that most of you didn't.
é Affluence - until the 60's, with
_—— ey
exception of the very wealthy, most people spent most

of their time trying to feed themselves.

——

14

With affluence came cars and television and

technology and new values.
¢ 3) ,Education for all - after World War IT,
Pea
at government expense.

~ 4 on mesic Delay Deel: au
© Breakdown of confidence. in institutions - @ea*

which, all agree, is at the heart of our value

le over Fifty ‘have a very hard time

believing their government would lie to_them and if
it did_it was surely in national intenests)| People
under fifty have gotten accustomed to it.\ With the

peculiar anomaly that officials who have Tied to us,

to congress, to courts, to investigators, are still

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running the show.
—_—_—_e-
People, post 60s, lost confidence in church,
—— rr

government, schools, teachers and scoutmasters.
——— ee ne

So a great cultural revolution came, and as

often happens, it missed the mark ~ lor came up

ee

short.
For one thing, duty was replaced by pursuit

——
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18

of one's personal agenda I cliprped_an article

once, entitled "Confession of a Middle-Aged, Middle-
Class, White, Liberal, Protestant Parent.”| She

wrote 1 "My children never had to worry about

anyone other than themselves and voila! - they

don't." } She quoted a psychiatrist friend talking

————

about a young client.\."This kid is hooked. He's
addicted to doing what he wants to do."

——— ee

So - broadly - gratification replaced

et
discipline. | The old way was pretty_oppressive —

but the new one turned out not to be much better.
Now - we should have known that.| We ought to

have known that a definition of happiness based on

doing what one wants to do when one wants to do it,
(ee es

free from all restraints - is not going to show us
——. TT a

at our best, or make_us happy.

Rats who are wired to a machine and who when

Ra

they hit the button - experience orgasm - will do

nothing else, wil] not eat or_drink, iT] hit the
button 50,000 times a day till they drop dead.
In the 9th grade I participated in a very

16

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sophisticated experiment. ( Thres hats - one was fed
lettuce,\ one Hershey's Chocolate Bars, (one_had a
choice. (the one who ate lettuce looked pretty
good The chocolate eater - looked awful after a
whi le: ( and guess what choice the one made who had
a choice.| Big deal.

There is something lesg_than fullness of

humanity in doing what you want to do -
making_self - the arbiter.
Besides, jt doesn't work —-
see-Hales (tet -
deTeaque-—lje-diseevered it —
Chri ' ye en

17