Vat Bulgar

SCOTTSDALE - MEN'S RETREAT
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 1996
FOURTH PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH, CHICAGO
Joun M. BucHaANaN, PASTOR

OPEN WITH:

THEN YOU WERE A PROSPECT ... Now

iy

YOU ARE A CLIENT.

RETREAT THEMES:
° (38 - One TO One, DEVELOPING My

ect

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH GoD
ee

° (96°) FAITH SHARING: WHY

SHouLD I CaRE AND How To Do

Ir.
° (30. CHRISTIAN MANHOOD FaciNG

THE 21st CENTURY. pe

THERE IS/A SENSE-IN) WHICH ALL

rs) |e I THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT I WOULD SAY TO

YOU THIS MORNING -- THESE THREE REALLY

ee

DID BECOME A KIND OF CONTINUUM FOR ME.

ras

FAITH IS GROUNDED IN A PERSONAL

elena eal

RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, WHOM WE KNOW 18

Jesus CHRIST.| FAITH IS THE fesponse "ro
Sut if

Gop's LOVE: [ re LIFE WE LIVE OUT OF OUR
‘Waterman

3 Ss here rit
RELATIONSHIP TO Gop. (MOST OF US AREN'T t> Verbot —-
a _
VERY GOOD AT TALKING ABOUT THAT. tel les \
™ Was L
FoR ONE THING -- IT’S PRETTY
ee

PRIVATE) AND PART OF MY.UPRRINGING, AND
PART OF THE LENS THROUGH WHICH I SEE THE
Reser

RAGING BATTLE IN THE CHURCH OVER
emcee

HOMOSEXUALITY FOR INSTANCE, I5 A DEEP

eee

SENSE OF THE AUTONOMY OF THE INDIVIDUAL

PRIVACY. | OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD IS
eww ff ETE

DEEP INSIDE US AND JUST AS WE LIVE OUT

and | ieee ol

OF OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR BELOVEDS,

OUR WIVES AND WOULDN'T THINK OF TALKING

eee

TO ONE ANOTHER ABOUT THE INTIMATE
eR vielen
DETAILS, [So WE ARE NOT ALTOGETHER
a mibinnmin aa
COMFORTABLE DISCUSSING, DESCRIBING OUR
eS, a
PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH Gop.

FOR ANOTHER THING, SOME OF _US CAN'T

SAY WE UNDERSTAND it\, OUR BELATIONSHIP

WITH GOD GOES ON AT THE DEPTH IN OUR OWN

ite a

WHE:
SOUL eR NORMAL RMAL_DESCRIPTAYIE LANGUAGE

—

BREAKS DOWN: \ THAT PLACE ST. PAUL WAS
TALKING ABOUT WHEN HE SAID ‘rwe(“sexazr
PRAYS IN US WITH SIGHS TOO DEEP FOR
worps." > |

AND SO SHARING OUR FAITH ~~ AT AN
[ie

INTELLECTUAL LEVEL -- I'LL SHOW YOU
Daneel

vane: | YOU SHOW ME YOURS -- FOR SOME OF

US DOESN'T FEEL AUTHENTIC, | FEELS

Lin ii ee I

SOMETIMES ALMOST LIKE A THEQLOGICAL ONE-~

ieee:

UPMANSHIP.

FAITH SHARING FOR ME IS MORE A

TL

MATTER OF EXPERIENCING AND OBSERVING THE

LIFE OF FAITH LIVED BY SOMEONE I

{ero

RESPEGT: | IN CONTEMPORARY JARGON SOMEONE

_—-

WHO DOESN'T sus rau THE TALK, BUT

or emedenie

WALKS THE wae: FAITH IS SHARED WHEN
; que Soe

CHRISTIAN LIFE IS UNAPOLOGETICALLY LIVED ,
eee nor

wren
wemee Gop'’S LOVE BECOMES LUMINOUS,
re —

Js

VISIBLE, UNMISTAKABLE IN THE QUALETY OF

mamma rat
LIFE WE SEE SOMEONE ALMOST UNCONSCIOUSLY
nee

LIVING.

AND so "THEME NUMBER THREE - NEXT

YEAR'S -- CHRISTIAN MANHOOD FACING THE

i comdemnienet

2lst CENTURY IS, IN MY OPINION, THE KEY
Mats Rrra

AND I AM GOING TO SUGGEST THAT UNTIL WE
=

aAeel
| ke eet kit FIGURE _THIS QNE OUT, FAITH SHARING IS
We

x
cares MERELY WASTED BREATH,! AND THAT WHEN WE
cu ~
4 DO FIGURE IT OUT, WE REALLY WON'T HAVE

a

TO SAYMUCH, BECAUSE OUR LIVES WILL HAVE

BECOME A LIVING WITNESS,\ A TESTIMONY TO
Seay

Gop'S REALITY, Gop's Love. | Gopo's
nD

ie

PRESENCE IN JESUS CHRIST ouR LORD.
I WOULD FURTHER SUGGEST THAT THIS

——n WALA am {

WHOLE BUSINESS OF MANHOOD -- WHAT IT Wanlr A

MEANS TO BE A MAN, WHAT CHRISTIAN FAITH

Wy rt may
HAS TO SAY ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A t
—_— —> PS Sv

MAN, MAY JUST BE THE MOST IMPORTANT ITEM

ON THE AGENDA -~- FOR_THE CHURCH AND FOR

Fmt

OUR CULTURE.

A STORY -- TO STATE THE rrosien. | A

bear ramen

FOUR-YEAR OLD GIRL MEGAN, WAS DRAWING A
PICTURE OF THE NATIVITY -~- AT

CHRISTMASTIME, (lier MOTHER, A

—_—-

PRESBYTERIAN MINISTER AND A FRIEND OF

MINE WAS OBSERVING |MEGAN WAS WORKING

— ——

INTENTLY, WITH GREAT CONCENTRATION AND
Ce ne el

rn

WHEN HER MASTERPIECE WAS FINISHED SHE

EXPLAIN ACH CHARACTER TO HER MOTHER:

SHEPHERDS AND SHEEP, CAMELS AND WISEMEN,
re seem

THE STABLE, COWS, A CAT, A DOG, A

( MANGER ,| AND, OF COURSE, MARY AND THE
Di nai ll

BABY. | MEGAN'S MOTHER NOTICED THAT

SOMEONE IS MISSING. ( "WHERE’S JOSEPH?" _)
Sakae” aia

eee |

SHE ASKED, INNOCENTLY ENOUGH, ASSUMING
——e _—

THAT MEGAN WOULD REMEMBER AND SKETCH HIM

er,

IN INSTEAD. \ MEGAN PUT ON HER BEST LOOK
Cen

OF EXASPERATION AND SHOT BA "WHO NEEDS
ee al

JOSEPH, anyway?)

ey,
WHEN MY FRIEND TOLD ME THE STORY --

M od Abs,
I TOLD HER IT SOUNDED LIKE Miki WAS

ie

GOING TO GROW UP AND BE A FEMINIS)

THEOLOGIAN,

a,

SHE DIDN’T THINK THAT WAS FUNNY AND

IT'S NOT FAIR AT_ALL -f sur_rHene Is A
matinee,

SENSE -- THAT TO BE A MAN TODAY IS TO

ASK THE auestrons (“wHo NEEDS me?" |

Sam KEEN, A WRITER, PHILOSOPHER ~-

bd
WHO USED TO TEACH THEOLO TA
PRESBYTERIAN SEMINARY, WROTE A BEST
SELLER

7

UNIVERSALLY APPRECIATED BY WOMEN, IN

FIRE-IN-THE-BELLY, A BOOK NOT

WHICH HE SAYS:

*' ASK ALMOST anvone:( Hou
DOES IT FEEL TO BE A MAN THESE

pavs?” | THose WHO PAUSE LONG

ENOUGH TO CONSIDER THEIR GUT

FEELINGS WILL LIKELY TELL YOU

THEY FEEL BLAMED, DEMEANED,

arracxeo." ] [p. 6]

I'm INTRIGUED BECAUSE AT THE SAME

FTIME THERE ARE SOME HIGHLY VISIBLE

a a al

THINGS GOING ON IN OUR CULTURE AROUND
Cn an eel

THIS TOPIC.

THE PROMISE cesrens,|4 MOVEMENT AND
ORGANIZATION FOUNDED BY THE UNIVERSITY
OF COLORADO FOOTBALL COACH IS AN

eerste,
EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN PHENOMENA WHICH
ECA,

HAS LATCHED ON TO TRADITIONAL IMAGES OF

R LT -— AS HEAD OF
MANHOOD IN OUR CULTURE MAN, bo}

THE souse,| wean OF THE FAMILY, | HEAD OF

THE WIFE, IN WAYS THAT FEEL OPPRESSIVE

en

TO MANY WOMEN AND YET, CLEARLY, PROMISE
P emnmmianil

KEEPERS, HAS STRUCK A NERVE AND IS

SPEAKING TO A NEED AMERICAN MEN ARE

a

EXPERIENCING. | NOTHING WRONG WITH

a ra]

FIDELITY, HONOR, RESPONSIBILITY, AFTER

ALL.

THE MILLION Man MARCH CAME OUT OF

|
7

NOWHERE LAST YEAR, AND IN SPITE OF THE

OUTRAGEOUS VIEWS AND UGLY RACISM OF ITS

tee

LEADER, SPOKE I THINK TO THAT SAME NEED,
Ld

IN THE AFRICAN AMERICAN COMMUNITY.

(us wy AFRICAN AMERICAN MEN FRIENDS

EITHER WENT WENT TO WASHINGTON, OR WISHED
ei

THEY HAD. [NONE OF THEM CAN STAND
‘Wileividninn ais Ae ri

ranwaxnan.| ALL OF THEM KNOW THAT WHAT
Pee re od

IT MEANS TO BE A MAN IS THE ISSUE.

or =o
AND THEN THERE IS THAT COMMERCIAL,
ome —
FATHER AND TWO SONS ARE FISHING -- IN

a —

SILENCE.\| ONE SON -- SIDLES UP BESIDE
—s ov rt
HIS FATHER AND SAYS( "Yer MY DAD, AND I

LOVE YOU nan’) (You're NOT GETTING MY

Bup LIGHT, Jounny"/ 1s THE PUNCH LINE.

a

Bur THE SVBVL% gmpact oF THAT, I THINK,

HAS TO DO WITH AMBIGUITY WE HAVE ABOUT
a taal

WHAT IY MEANS TO BE A MAN, A FATHER , A

le |
SON. I" E POWER-“OF THE COMMERCIAL fS
mel

THAT OF ALL THE THINGS ADULT MALES SAY

TO ONE ANOTHER -t "I LOVE vou") 13N'T_ONE
OF THEM.
SOME MEN SEE THAT COMMERCIAL AND
nmi atirrataanantetatpciny

‘eb —

CHOKE UP A LITTLE: [tHe ONES WHO NEVER
Lit ed

nite

10

SAID THAT TO THEIR FATHER, COULDN’T SAY

be on aa

| ene rT
IT: | SAME ONESI THINK WHO SAT IN THE

THEATER SNIFFING INTO THEIR POCKET
Cee aed

HANDKERCHIEFS, WHEN RAY KINSELLA AND HIS

FATHER HAVE A CATCH AY THE END OF FIELD
OF DREAMS.

Love, VULNERABILITY, SAYING WHAT WE

oe cL

FEEL -- NONE OF THAT IS PART OF THE WAY

— ciel

MANY OF US IN THIS ROOM WERE BROUGHT UP
CREE,

AND IT IS A MATTER OF SPIRITUALITY, OUR

—ee

RELATIONSHIP WITH Gop,( our JOURNEY OF

FAITH.

I DECIDED BY THE WAY TO MAKE UP FOR
/

a

THE FACT THAT I DON'T THINK I EVER SAID
RoC,

("I cove you"|To my DAD BEFORE HE DIED.

I DO NOW, A LOT. | He_can HEAR IT. \ HE

KNOWS IT. \ But, I'VE DECIDED THAT MY

eee

11

SONS AND DAUGHTERS AND GRANDCHILDREN

te iitisimm

WILL NOT EVER SAY THEY NEVER HEARD ME
+ rely

SAY IT. \ we say {"I Love you"/A LOT THESE

% DAYS. v4 x a

THERE IS A MOMENT IN PUBLIC WORSHIP
i —————

IN THE PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH WHICH MEN

EXPERIENCE DIFFERENTLY FROM WOMEN I

$e

THINK, [a's THE OPENING PHRASE OF THE
(ee

AposTtLes’ Creebp,f "I BELIEVE IN GOD, THE

Dade

FATHER ALMIGHTY."

WE KNOW A SECRET.

ER Re

SOMEONE MADE A BIG MISTAKE IN
emi” Et
PUNCTUATION IN THE APOSTLE’S case. |
a

RECITE IT AS IF IT WERE ONE PHRASE -{ "yt

oe
BELIEVE IN Gop THE FATHER Auuzewry.".)

WE

ACTUALLY, THERE'S A PAIR OF commas: |"

BELIEVE IN Gob" \ COMMA -~- ["THE FATHER
feet
ALMIGHTY” }- COMMA. \ THE MISTAKE IS THAT
=e "

12

THE SECOND COMMA BELONGS AFTER FATHER.

Ee eres
( SO THAT IT SHOULD reap, ("I BELIEVE IN
ere”
goo, "| COMMA, nye FATHER, "| COMMA,
Sc en]

( “ALMIGHTY. © BECAUSE WE KNOW DEEP DOWN

IN OUR HEARTS THAT THERE IS NO SUCH

THING AS AN ALMIGHTY FATHER. | WE KNOW

THAT ALMIGHTY FATHERHOOD IS AN GXYMORON

AND FURTHER, I PROPOSE THAT WHEN JESUS

ee Eke,
CALLED GOD FATHER HE MEANT SOMETHING
Mer

RADICALLY, FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT FROM

ALMIGHTINESS. = ~“\~ Ven Cat buaA |
Waa OWA. DE, RIAA

a oO
MY DAUGHTER, FOR FATHER’S DAY ONE
Nees ia
YEAR, GAVE ME A BOOK OF PHOTOGRAPHS OF

=o

MEN AND CHILDREN. [irs LOVELY. {I LIKE

NS
TO LOOK AT IT A Lor.\ Dave BARRY, THE

13

HUMORIST, WROTE AN INTRODUCTION THAT
Sec
SPEAKS TO THE POINT.

Barry’s son Ros, AGE 12, WAS HIT BY
- oo, tee

A CAR WHILE RIDING HIS preveue.| IN

EVERY PARENT'S WORST NIGHTMARE, SOMEONE
— beaten

CAME TO THE DOOR AND TOLD THEM THERE HAD
weeewewmr CUA EE Ee

BEEN AN ACCIDENT -+ HE'S ON THE STREET,

Da all

ie

THERE'S A LOT OF BLOOD. | Ros SURVIVED

WITH A BROKEN LEG AND AN ASSORTMENT OF
Ride 2 i i sitié AMM,

CUTS AND BRUISES.{| BuT Dave BARRY LATER
ec wm tee

REFLECTED WISELY ON PARENTHOOD --

FATHERHOOD,

"WHEN HE WAS HAPPY,
I wAS HAPPIER THEN

I'p> EVER Been: | Bur

14

WHEN HE WAS IN
TROUBLE “| T CAN
REMEMBER EVERY
DETAIL OF THE TIME
WHEN, AT A FEW
MONTHS, HE GOT A BAD

nin,

FevER| 106 DEGREES,

HIS TINY BODY
BURNING, AND I
CARRIED HIM INTO THE
HOSPITAL, THINKING,
ry CAN'T TAKE THIS,
PLEASE LET ME BE
ABLE TO STOP THIS,
PLEASE GIVE ME THIS

FEVER, \TAKE iT OUT

OF THIS LITTLE BOY

=

15

AND PUT IT IN ME,
PLEASE a BuT You

CAN'T DO THAT You

eee

CAN'T MAKE IT HAPPEN

—

TO you. ; YOU HAVE TO
ores

WATCH IT HAPPEN TO

YOUR CHILD."

AS HE COMFORTED HIS INJURED SON,
Wore,

WHO WAS NOW APOLOGIZING FOR BEING HIT BY

A CAR, BARRY REFLECTED THAT THE FEELINGS

ini |
reeemiiilrrmiae

OF VULNERABILITY DON'T GO AWAY, BUT LURK

evsave, ("roretNe ME TO ACCEPT THAT I

WASN'T IN CONTROL avywore."}

Fotky's CAAA uv
16 yp conti

AT THE HEART OF THIS TOPIC IS AN
ba ainienisintiaia! —

IMAGE OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MAN THAT

pi,

IS AT LEAST PROBLEMATIC AND AT WORST
~~ aeineaan
{1 HIS BOOK, SAM KEEN SAYS

ERR ne

DEMONIC.

THAT AT THE AGE OF 17, AND I THINK HE'S

ee

AT LEAST FIVE YEARS TOO LATE IN THAT

ANALYSIS, |YOUNGSTERS RECEIVE MANY
iain eT

SPECIFIC MESSAGES ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO

ba arn

BE A MAN,

JOIN A FRATERNITY

emnien J

LETTER IN A SPORT
HAVE SEX WITH LOTS OF GIRLS
BE TOUGH ... FIGHT

_—ae

DON’T SHOW FEELINGS

DRINK LOTS OF BEER ~-- AND/OR DO
i

LOTS OF DRUGS

17

I THINK HE’S RIGHT. [Tw CULTURE

SAYS THOSE THINGS:( IN ADVERTISING,

arpa Aer
MOTION PICTURES, / TELEVISION, MUSIC. | BE
Ee Ll ioe
TOUGH, HAVE SEX, DON'T SHOW OR HAVE
Fee.rnes\ Don't BE VULNERABLE.
Ee

HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE COMMERCIALS

THAT USE GANGSTA RAP MUSIC AS BACKGROUND
Secon

Le

AND EMPLOY A group | A GANG OF ANGRY

YOUNG AFRICAN AMERICAN MEN,\ SWAGGERING,
bt]
SCOWLING, SNEERING, ALMOST SNARLING --

( “Lookrne FOR A BITCH TO MAKE SCREAM FOR

mERcy'/ To USE ONE OF THE MORE NOTORIOUS
eT,
PHASES IN A RAP SONG.
I READ SOMETHING ON SUPER BowL

SUNDAY THAT I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT

Cth eel —

EVER SINCE, AND WANT TO HOPE IS NOT

TRUE.\ It tS THAT SUPER BowL SUNDAY IS

TE

18

THE DAY OF THE YEAR WITH THE HIGHEST Ww id it
* p chek ‘ bh
INCIDENCE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.| THAT iA y
doit
GAME -- WHICH I WATCH AND. LOVE -- Cech outs
APPARENTLY STIMULATES A LOT OF MEN TO pm l ae
aera lam
GET UP OUT OF THE EASY CHAIR, PUT DOWN AL fe ot
—— peers
THEIR BEER AND EXPRESS THEIR MASCULINITY cent
BY BEATING UP THEIR WIVES. dvest
ebm k aay THE SPORTS WE

ORGANTEZE FOR OUR CHTLDREN,\ Fo MERLY BOYS

ed

ONLY, ARE HIGHLY COMPETITIVE; | WINNING Is
=_—e toe Of Se

THE POINT) BEATING YOUR OPPONENT | A

LITTLE LEAGUE COACH WHO NAIVELY ASSUMES

FHAT PARTICIPATION, TEAMWORK, LEARNING
Penal =e

SKILLS AND HAVING FUN ARE THE POINT IS

IN FOR A RUDE SHOCK. | A PERSONAL
ee Pe,

DEFINING MOMENT FOR ME WAS TO TRY GENTLY
iseaeeeiibiamemae et

ae

FO RESTRAIN A FATHER WHO STORMED OUT OF

ee TE

19

THE BLEACHERS AND GRABBED HIS ELEVEN-

a a
VEAR~OLD LINEBACKER, WHO HAD MISSED A
ee

FACKLE, BY THE SHOULDERS, SHAKING HIM
a. ba nil

AND DEMANDING, AT THE TOP OF HIS VOICE,

‘=e

TO KNOW WHETHER HE HAD ANY COURAGE AT

ALL, WHETHER HE WOULD —EVER.BE_A MAN. —>

é

a
JAMES DITTES, A PROFESSOR AT YALE,“

IN A BOOK, THE MALE PREDICAMENT, yrfTes:

a

“

Lo
/

<

"YOU GROW UP 770 BE A
MAN WHO IS /SELF-
RELIANT,/A MAN WHO
Mae pruey THE
ROADWAYS BY

LASHLIGHT, DRIVE

20

AROUND BLOCKS AND
BLOCKS, NEVER PULL
INTO A GAS STATION
TO ASK DIRECTIONS, —
CURSE THE |
INCOMPETENCE OF THE
HIGHWAY ENGINEERS,
AND SNAP AT THE
PASSENGER WHO MAKES
A SUGGESTION. "
[p.26]

{
/

I FOUND THAT A LITTLE MEDDLESOME.
FRANKLY, I HAVE NOTICED THAT THE
ILLINOI$ DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION IS

A CONSPIRACY TO KEEP ME FROM FINDING MY

2i

WAY ON MY OWN AND aden ins WHERE I WANT

TO GO wr foour HELP FROM_ANYONE!
Neer

THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE IMAGE, THE
| meen

| saeenAminmmnianead

MODEL OF MANHOOD FOSTERED BY POPULAR
Pear

AMERICAN CULTURE ISN'T FUNNY AT aut. | In
FACT, IT'S DEADLY.
ee,

NEWSWEEK MAGAZINE, IN AN ESSAY,
PROPOSED THAT THE TIME HAS COME FOR A
NEW AGENDA. | FEMALENESS IS NOT THE

weet oie

PROBLEM,

“WE ARE NOT BURDENED
BY TOO MUCH
NURTURANCE OR

EMPATHY. | THE

PROBLEM IS MEN -~= OR

22

MORE ACCURATELY --
MALENESS| MEN ARE
=,
KILLING THEMSELVES
en
DOING ALL THE THINGS
OUR SOCIETY WANTS
THEM TO po. | AT
EVERY AGE THEY'RE

DYING IN ACCIDENTS,

THEY'RE BEING SHOT,

——
THEY DRIVE CARS
erin
BADLY, THEY'RE TWO-

Eger

FISTED_ DRINKERS.

AND VIOLENCE AGAINST

serio,

WOMEN ITS PERVASIVE.

oe Mare IT'S MEN'S

RAGING HORMONES, OR

=

BECAUSE THEY’ RE

23

TRYING TO BE A MAN.”
["Guns AND Do.ts,"
NEWSWEEK 5/28/90,

CITED BY KEEN]

BuT PERHAPS WORST OF ALL IS THE

EMERGENCE OF A MODEL OF FATHERHOOD

eo wor a

WITHOUT ANY RESULTANT RESPONSIBILITY.

FEATURE ON TNE FRONT PAGE OF THE

a

MORNING, "CREAT

YorK TIMES THZe=HORN

ian

FATHERS OuT oF MEN Wr’ } Cufipren," ‘

THEIR CHILDREN,

24

"ET\ISN’T QUST A

LONGER NE EXPERT

REMEMBERED. "WE

CULSURE OF

HAVE
FRTHERLESSNESS.

eed NEARLY 25 PERCENT OF

AMERICAN NEWBORNS
LIVE IN HOMES

WITHOUT FATHERS.”

ELEANOR Ho_mes NORTON, A LIBERAL

FEMALE, AND PETE WILSON, A CONSERVATIVE

oe

MALE, HAVE SAIO THAT FATHERLESSNESS 1f5
al

THE NUMBER ONE PROBLEM IN AMERICA.

—_—

25

SENATOR DANIEL PATRICK MOYNIHAN
MAKES EVERYBODY UNCOMFORTABLE BY

IDENTIFYING THE WAY WE HAVE OF

ACCOMM8PATING RATHER THAN CHALLENGING

AND CHANGING DEVELOPING PARADIGM’ IN OUR

CULTURE. | He\cauts IT |"DEFINING DEVIANCY

\ J
nou" ano Socusys ON FAY HERLESSNESS, A

——— \y

MOTHERS WHO ARE\DOING A COURAGEOUS,

ATTENTIVE, AND FECTIVE JOB OF

PARENTING. HE'S TALKING ABOUT THE WAY

THE CULTURE SIMPLY ASSUMES THAT A MAN

WHO IMPREGNATES A WOMAN TO WHOM HE IS
eee y

NOT LEGALLY AND FINALLY COMMITTED IS
eee

ante

26

FREE TO WALK AWAY WITH A SMILE ON HIS
FACE AND INCREASINGLY IS ALMOST

ENCOURAGED TO BO SO,

THE RHETORIC OF PERSONAL
Gen oe
RESPONSIBILITY WHICH IS MOST POPULAR
see
POLITICALLY THESE DAYS IS, AFTER ALL,

FOCUSED ENTIRELY ON WOMEN. \ "WELFARE

Noms") AND THEIR CHILDREN WILL PAY THE

PRICE FOR THES NEW FRUGALITY AND
i

RESPONSIBELITY.\ MEN ARE FREE,
— .

eh

APPARENTLY, TO CONTINUE FHETR

=,

PARTICIPATION IN RANDOM SEXUAL

INTERCOURSE WITHOUT AN IOTA OF
ere 0 SEE,

RESPONSIBILITY.
mm

27

EVEN THE WAY WE DISCUSS THIS VERY
REAL PROBLEM REVEALS THE eras. | _ ED enema end ”
MOTHERS" WE SAY, BUT WHAT ABOUT "UNWED

— — to p 3!

FATHERS?"

WRITING IN THE NATION, KATHA

POLLITT WONDERS WHY POLITICIANS ALWAYS

we.

FOCUS ON WOMEN'S SEXUAL BEHAVIOR BUT NOT

MEN'S.| IN AN ANGRY essay,( "Farr Is
Bani ua orem
FArR, "}SHE OBSERVES THAT 50% OF WELFARE
Reece
MOTHERS ARE ON PUBLIC ASSISTANCE BECAUSE
THE FATHERS OF THEIR CHILDREN HAVE
wiry,

SIMPLY ABANDONED THEM OR REFUSE TO PAY

CHILD SUPPORT.

“WHAT WOULD HAPPEN, "

SHE ASKS, "IF

28

MOTHERS ABANDONED
CHILDREN AT THE RATE
FATHERS DO? | A WOMAN
WHO LEAVES A NEWBORN
IN THE HOSPITAL AND
NEVER RETURNS FOR IT
STILL MAKES
HEADLINES | You'pb
NEED A LIST AS THICK
AS THE New York City
PHONE BOOK TO NAME
THE MEN WHO HAVE NO
IDEA WHERE OR HOW
MANY OR WHO THEIR
CHILDREN are. "| Ure
READER, MaY-JUNE,

1995 p.76]

29

SEEM TO HAVE ANY FEELINGS ABOUT THE

FOPIC,

But ONCE Mr. BALLARD GETS THEM
TALKING THERE TS ANGER, RESENTMENT, HURT
~~ OFTEN RAGE AND ALMOST ALWAYS TEARS.
THEN COMES AN OPENNESS TG TALK ABOUT
BEING THE KIND OF FATHERS THEY NEVER

HAD. “

THE-REVOLUTION-HAS HAPPENED. THERE

ARE NEW AND BETTER WAYS OF BEING MEN ANP ORE.
ae sii |

AND THERE

Is, I SUBMIT, A VERY IMPORTANT RESOURCE

WHICH WE BIBLICALLY-ORIENTED CHRISTIANS

Ss

HAVE TO BRING TO THE EMERGING NEW
eal

PATTERNS AND MODELS AND PARADIGMS.

Ra
—_—— a]

IT\MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT I

RIGHT. \ FATHERS WHO WALK AWAY
| nial

THINK SHE’
ARE THE BASIG, PROBLEM.

THE New RK TIMES ARTICLE TOLD

ABOUT A PROGRAM\IN CLEVELAND TO TRY TO

COAX YOUNG MEN WHO HAVE NEVER SEEN A

4

my
4

STABLE, LOVING FATHER TO.“ BECOME
\ 2

RESPONSIBLE. THE FOUNDER OF THE
PROGRAM, CHARLES pai taro, STARTS BY
GETTING THE roune’ men Yo TALK ABOUT
THEIR OWN ABSENTEE cares.

It's derrcutr. IN ARBDITION TO THE
FACT THAT /MANY OF THE YOUNG MEN HAVE

#

NEVER SEEN THEER FATHERS, OR HEIR

EXPERZTENCE OF FATHERHOOD IS ALMOST

ENTIRELY NEGATIVE, THEY DON’T WANT TO

30

—

jy SB Ao
. —

JESUS CALLED GOD-FATHER. HE LIVED
IN A PATRIARCHAL CULTURE IN A
PATRIARCHAL ERA. THERE WERE FEMININE
IMAGES FOR GoD, MANY OF THEM VERY OLD.
IN FACT, ANCIENT ISRAEL CONTRASTED
SHARPLY WITH ITS NEIGHBORS IN THE ROLE
OF WOMEN IN’ SOCIETY, RELIGION, POLITICS.
THAT WAS GONE}. HOWEVER, BY JESUS’ DAY.
JESUS LIVED IN A CULTURE THAT RELEGATED
WOMEN TO SECOND-CLASS STATUS AND PART OF

4

THE VERY VISIBILITY, AND DRAMATIC
CONTRAST OF THE COMMUNITY WHICH GATHERED
AROUND HIM WAS THE PROMINENT ROLE PLAYED
BY WOMEN IN IT.

\

AT THE HEART OF HIS JEWISH

MONOTHEISM WAS A GOD WHO WILL NOT BE

32

CONFINED TO HUMAN IMAGES OF MALENESS OR

FEMALENESS. HIS FAITH WAS CAREFUL TO

SAY THAT MEN AND WOMEN ARE MADE IN Gop’s

IMAGE: MALENESS AND FEMALENESS ... JESUS
\ DID NOT, COULD NOT, HAVE IMAGED Gop As

THE OLD MAN IN WHITE ROBE OUR CULTURE

HAS.

on

THE UNIQUE THEOLOGY OF JUDAISM

FOCUSED ON Gop'sS MYSTERY, Gob'S

TRANSCENDING OF ALL HUMAN ATTEMPTS TO
CONTAIN Gop (THUS THE AVERSION TO
IDOLS), BUT AT THE SAME TIME Gop'sS

NEARNESS, ACCESSIBILITY, CLOSENESS.

— IT WAS IN THE MOST CRITICAL MOMENT

OF HIS LIFE THAT JESUS CALLED GoD BY A

ee

33

Wi

REMARKABLE NAME _| HE WAS IN THE GARDEN

OF GETHSEMANE MOMENTS BEFORE HIS

Fanti al

BETRAYAL AND ARREST.# HE KNEW, I THINK,

7.2 =o

THAT THERE WAS NO TURNENG BACK NOW. \ HE

bt
KNEW NOW THAT HE WAS GOING TO DIE.|} WHAT
ae iris eminent

DO YOU PRAY IN A MOMENT LIKE THAT? [ War

a

DO YOU SAY TO GOD WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR

De niintint —an,

LIFE IS OVER?

_

Jesus sArp "Apsa.” \It's A TERM OF
Pee ee miata... a

ENDEARMENT, JAN INTIMATE NAME.\ IT IS THE

memree{ Tne

WORD A CHILD WOULD USE FOR HIS OR HER
Seen ine call

S cmmiemninad

FATHER, IN THE HOME, IN THE SECURITY AND
. Dinan |

a,

SAFETY OF HIS MOTHER’S AND FATHER'S
bd

Daneel

Love. \ “Dappy" IS THE ONLY VIABLE

—

TRANSLATION. \ IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO

od

34

WITH CLOSENESS AND LOVE -- AND

ie TT

VULNERABILITY.
See meenminianiamiaidaitd

THe Gop JESUS CALLED ON IN THAT
A\wargat, of chunigh ty wwe
CRITICAL MOMENT WAS NOT GOING TO REACH
ial Si
INTO HIS LIFE AND TAKE FROM HIM THE CUP

WHICH HE WAS ABOUT TO DRINK.

—

FATHERS CAN'T DO suar.| Dave Barry

COULDN'T PROTECT HIS son} FREDERICK
oTECT Hi
BUECHNER TELLS THE MOVING STORY OF HIS

—-

DAUGHTER'S ANOREXIA,

“THE ONLY WAY IL KNEW
TO BE A FATHER WAS
TO TAKE CARE OF HER,

AS MY FATHER HAD

35

BEEN UNABLE TO TAKE
CARE OF ME, TO MOVE
HEAVEN AND EARTH IF
NECESSARY TO MAKE
HER WELL AND, OF
couRSE I couLDN'T bo
THAT. \ the BEST I
COULD DO AS HER
FATHER WAS TO STAND
BACK AND GIVE HER
THAT FREEDOM EVEN AT
THE RISK OF HER
USING IT TO CHOOSE
FOR DEATH INSTEAD OF
LIFE."| [TELLING

SECRETS, P.26,27]

36

ou k of MW Eoin “4 Xp

WHAT EMERGES enlis A CHRISTIAN

eerie

IMAGE OF MANHOOD WHICH HAS FAR MORE TO
ao amma’ nna

DO WITH LIMITS THAN ALMIGHTINESS | FAR

MORE TO DO WITH SELF-GIVING THAN SELF-
Li end

ENHANCEMENT, FAR MORE TO DO WITH

VULNERABILITY THAN WILLFULNESS AND

epee ECT

INFLUENCE AND SUCCESS AND POWER,

ere em

SAM KEEN.SAYS THE LESSON IN

GETHSEMANE IS THAT A MAN IS MOST VIRILE

Date lial

NOT WHEN HE INSISTS UPON HIS OWN WAY,
eens

AUTONOMOUS WILL, |BUT WHEN HE HARMGNIZES

eee bad nael

HIS WILL WITH GOD AND GIVES LIFE AWAY TO
o ‘ Ty

THOSE WHO NEED HIM AND DEPEND GN HIM.
rr,

i ailial

FOR FATHERS ~- THE WORD IS: YOU

eee

MATTER A GREAT peat. \ Your CHILDREN ARE

- sien

37

AT RISK WITHOUT YoU.| YOUR

RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEM IS WHAT GOD HAS

lll
IN MIND.
VR
FOR MEN --THE WORD rs:| vou REFLECT
ee, ee

A PART OF THE IMAGE OF Gop.\ NoT ALL OF
ee

IT, TO BE SURE. THERE IS A FEMININE

a

IMAGE OF GOD -- BUT OUR RECOVERY OF THAT

Se am amammniaienal it,

VERY IMPORTANT TRUTH DOES NOF NEGATE

Feminine nal

THIS TRUTH.\ FoR MEN -~- ALL OF US,

Lom)

FATHERS OR NOT FATHERS, MSRANDSOR

es,

UNMARRIED, THE WORD rs:| THE CHILDREN

Sl

NEED us. | ALL OF us. | THe LITTLE BOYS
AND LITTLE GIRLS NEED OUR NURTURE, QUR
omar ees
CARE, OUR PROVISION, OUR DEMONSTRATION
wee i

Led

OF WHAT IT IS TO BE A MAN.
=,

38

FOR ALL OF US: WOMERS"MOTHERS FEN,

BAFHERS“=~- THE WORD IS THAT Gop,

REGARDLESS OF THE METAPHORS WE EMPLOY,
area Ml boitntiamed

THE NAMES WE USE, IS AS CLOSE AS A

| aes
ey

LOVING PARENT,\A FATHER OR MOTHER --
Se enamine nad

batalla sndiiaeienta nanan amma

WHOSE VULNERABILITY IS EXPRESSED IN

Love:| wHose LOVE MEANS THAT HE/SHE WILL
NOT REMOVE US FROM ALL DANGER, \BUT IN
WHOSE LOVE, NEVERTHELESS, WE ARE
ULTIMATELYWAND FINALLY AND ABSOLUTELY,

SAFELY, AT HOME. {

\\
A bbe-’ God Deb

_ Ous Bree

woe
... LIKE A MOTHER

WHO WILL NOT FORSAKE
HER NURSING CHILD,
LIKE A FATHER WHO

RUNS TO WELCOME THE

39

PRODIGAL HOME, GOD
IS FAITHFUL ..." EA

Brier STATEMENT OF

FAITH]

AMEN.
i.

40